


You're making me warm, you're making me high. I feel like laughing where I used to cry

by AmyJorumStitchery



Series: He's the kind of love that makes a whirl in your mind [29]
Category: Tim Curry - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Amy is guzzling alcohol to cope without Tim, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Memories, F/M, Idiots in Love, Loneliness, Love, Self-Worth Issues, Tim is away on location and Amy is not handling it well, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23810176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyJorumStitchery/pseuds/AmyJorumStitchery
Relationships: Tim Curry (Actor)/Original Character(s)
Series: He's the kind of love that makes a whirl in your mind [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1253372
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	You're making me warm, you're making me high. I feel like laughing where I used to cry

"Goddamn, girl! We've been drinking since noon" — Hel flopped down the couch — "yesterday!" Her face became one big smile when she realised that and she extended the hand which held her bottle of vodka to my bottle of whiskey and banged them together.

We had since long dispensed with the "formalities" that are drinking glasses or even something to mix our hard liquor with and I was too far gone to even care at the moment. Snorting with elation, I let both my arms fly up in the air, almost dropping the bottle of whiskey in my lap as I flailed them around.  
I was on a self-destructive path again - I knew that - but I didn't care. All I wanted was for the soul-crushing loneliness to leave me alone and let me have peace in my head. Whiskey had that effect of me and I swallowed every swig with greed and gratitude - anything to numb myself.

Tim had been away on work for about four weeks and all those seconds that had dragged itself forward since he left had been burning behind my eyes, in my chest, in my head and my whole 4'11, petite body - an aching, throbbing pain, who refused to let go, even for a short while and my entire being missed him so profusely it was hard to breathe without him.   
I had cried myself dehydrated the first three days, clutching the only piece of childhood-memento I had brought with me when I left what I should've been calling "my home" but was really just the place where my parents lived - my teddy bear, and I had never felt lonelier than I did then, sobbing into the worn-down belly of the bear - and the only company I had. 

I fond myself slipping into a diffuse and shapeless existence and nothing made sense without Tim. I didn't _want_ anything to make sense 'cause it was all so meaningless when he was away and I turned into an incapacitated, inept, defect human being without him. 

We'd only known each other a few months, but he had quickly turned into the most important person in my life and I depended on him to be there just as a newborn baby depended on _someone_ to take care of it because it would die otherwise. With Tim gone - all I could depend on was the booze and he had been a faithful friend for many many years. Longer than Tim had been.  
The only thing I was addicted to more than alcohol, though was Tim, and he wasn't here now, so I had to make do with what I could.

I felt so selfish sometimes when I found myself craving the feelings he evoked in me - peace of mind, serenity, self-love and genuine happiness and I did my best to try and sip his affection and not gulp it. But it was hard for me, no one had ever cared in the way Tim did and when I knew those feelings actually existed - I needed to feel them all the time.

Tim had called me, though - several times, but it had been a few days since we last spoke and I was afraid that I would start to forget how he sounded and how his laugh made my stomach warm.

Glancing at the clock, it was about eleven at night and I suggested we'd go down to 'Wildcat Gin' to continue drinking since the whiskey I had started on yesterday was almost gone and I could use something else to drink.  
Finishing the last of her vodka, Hel wiped her mouth with the back of her hand after she had set the bottle down.

"You know it, girl!" she slurred and lit a cigarette. "Let's go, hey ho."

I grabbed my cigarettes and slipped my shoes on. We had been sitting in sweats this entire time, and they probably reeked of stale beer and lucky strikes, but none of us bothered to change out of them, it was very unbecoming, but none of us cared.

'Wildcat Gin' was a stone's throw from my apartment, it was the bar I spent most of my time in when I wasn't working and my frequent visits had gotten me on a first-name basis with every employee there. I had met Tim there.   
Usually, it was about a one minute walk to get there but everything took longer since we were so drunk and I think we even made a wrong turn somewhere - even though that should be impossible.   
We should've been denied access because of the state we were in, but Jake, the guy who worked on the door chose to disregard that since he knew me, but told me he'd keep a watchful eye on me.  
When we got in I didn't feel up for _anything_ other than going back to my apartment to sleep and stay asleep until Tim came back. But I ordered a beer out of habit and as I slipped down in my ordinary booth I noticed a choking, insistent, nauseating breeze sweeping through me and I hastily gulped my beer to try and wash the feeling away and I was actually scared that the pain I experienced would end me right there on the spot.  
  
Hel flopped down opposite me and I did my best not to let my inner chaos shine through and ruin her buzz. I must've been as lively and fun as a blank canvas, though, but she never once told me to get my act together or to "cheer up". We had that kind of friendship where we tried to fix whatever was bothering us with alcohol. Come to think about it - our entire relationship was rooted in alcohol. 

Hel fiddled after her smokes and then put the wrong end of the cigarette between her lips and attempted to light it. Frustrated when it didn't work, she threw it away and reached for a fresh one in the pack.

"Fucking cigarette!" she slurred. "They're brrroken!"

I scoffed and made a face as I picked up the one she had thrown away and put it between my lips.

"See!" I said calmly and lit it. "It's just you who are useless."

"Bitch!" she shrieked in mock-anger and shoved me.

*

The harsh lights in the ceiling turned on and the music stopped abruptly, and we knew it was our cue to leave when Jake started herding the guests out of there, so Hel grabbed me and we said goodbye before we made our way back to my apartment. I was glad the night was coming to an end - I hadn't the faintest idea of how I had managed to survive this evening, but I was ready for it to end.  
Staggering up the stairs to my apartment, I managed to find my key and we stumbled through the front door and crashed on the couch and conked out with all our clothes on. 

*

Hel had been staying with me on and off so I wouldn't be alone with myself when my roommate was out of town, but she told me she had to go back to her place for a while and I was alone again, and when I wasn't working I spent my time curled up in a fetal position in bed, listening to Bryan Adams and breathing in and out - everything else was just too much to handle.  
Tim called me two days after Hel's and my wild night and just hearing his voice made the pressure in my chest disappear and I inhaled with ease since I had been struggling to get air for so long. We talked for about an hour, but it could easily have been one hour more if Tim didn't have to get back on set. 

"I have to go now, but I miss you, my darling," Tim told me at the end of our conversation and a warmth spread in me.

"When are you coming home, Tim?" I asked in a whispering, fragile voice. "I miss you _so_ much!"

"It won't be much longer now," he assured.

I took a steadying breath and bit the inside of my cheek, I didn't want him to know about my mental pandemonium and how I struggled, but he could sense and hear my chaos as if he was in the room with me. He was very perceptive.

"You don't seem to be doing too good," he continued.

There was a long pause from my side as I tried to make sense of my thoughts and he let me have that pause without trying to rush me or force a conversation out of me.   
I was very grateful for that and I sniffled while my eyes were focused on a tiny tear in the corner of one of my pillowcases.   
A longing stronger than anything I had ever felt before washed over me and I rolled to lie on my side where I balled up as much as I could and pressed my thighs to my chest.

"Tim..!" I whimpered. 

"What is it, Amy?" His voice was caring, full of love and as soft as his physical touch and I craved him more than I needed my next breath.

I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, I wanted to tell him I was in pain, I wanted to tell him I _needed_ him, but I bit my lips together to stifle the pathetic noises that wanted to escape from me and fisted my hair by the scalp to shift my focus there instead.   
Tears welled up in my eyes and without being able to control it, I started sobbing and my body started to tremble. All my thoughts swirled around in me and I wasn't really sure what the reality was in that second.  
Only my tears told me that I wasn't dead already since they gushed from my eyes and I had to be alive when my heart thumped in my ribcage the way it did - jackhammer style.

"Oh, Amy..." Tim lulled. "Amy, breathe my sweet darling, breathe..."

I strenuously shifted my body on the bed and clutched my chest.

"Take a breath, Amy, slow and steady," Tim continued.

I choked on my own emotions and my tears and I whimpered into my pillow.

"I'm going to be home soon, and I miss you so much, but I need you to stay strong for me, alright?" Tim tried to explain. "Can you be strong for me, love?"

Letting out a deep breath, I nodded even though he couldn't see me and wiped my eyes with my hand.

"I'm... It's...just hard...for me, I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry, Amy. It's alright, it's hard for me too."

I could hear voices in the background interrupting him and how Tim moved the phone away from his mouth when he answered back.

"Darling, I have to go..." he told me a few seconds later.

"Yeah, ok," I whispered.

"...but I don't wanna hang up unless I know you're gonna be alright."

I smiled a little and nodded again.

"I'm alright, Tim," I said and sniffled. "Go, I don't want you to worry about me, it's alright, go and be great." 

Smiling faintly again as I said those words, I _felt_ him relax on the other end.

"That's my girl," he praised.

"Yeah, that's me..." I whispered.

"So...I have to go now, but I'm going to be home soon, it's not much longer, ok?"

"Ok..."

"I care about you very much and I'm thinking of you."

"Thinking of you too."

"I'll see you soon, ok?"

"Yeah..."

"Ok, darling. See you, bye."

"Bye."

*

I had managed to pull myself together for a few days, but the longing I felt in me was always there and it lingered like a bad smell. Not wishing to spend time with anyone, I had secluded in my apartment where I watched the days go by with my sketchbook in my hands and the therapy I derived from it when I could draw all my chaos and _see_ it with my eyes and I could allow myself to let it seep out of me instead of having it eating me alive from the inside. 

Five days had passed since our last phone call and I was lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling and contemplating whether I should go down to 'Wildcat Gin' and have a beer. I hadn't drunk for a few days and a beer _did_ sound good right about now.  
My roommate Annie was making a late dinner in the kitchen and as I was putting my shoes on I called out for her.

"I'm going down to the pub, Annie, do you wanna come with me?"

"Nah, I'm good, I have some work I have to do."

Pulling an old hoodie over my head, I had a look in the mirror and tucked a few stray strands of hair behind my ear as I sighed out loud at my haggard reflection, and in the back of my mind - _way_ back, I was almost grateful Tim wasn't here to see me. I hadn't bothered to put on make-up for weeks and my outfit of choice right now was old, mismatching sweats. I hadn't even showered for two days.

"Ok, but I'm going down there for a while," I said, "see you later!" 

Stepping through the big metal gate, it closed with a loud bang behind me, and I lit up a cigarette while I was walking down the street. Seeing it was a Tuesday night and two weeks until the next payday, I figured the place would be pretty quiet, and I was totally fine with that. I had no need to associate or talk with anyone. All I wanted was to be left alone and have a beer.  
Opening the big glass door, I was first met by Jake. The place was really dead, just as I had suspected and there were only about ten people scattered around so he was sitting by the bar having himself a cup of coffee.

"Hey there Amy," he greeted.

Walking up to the bar, I perched myself on one of the spinning bar stools and laid my pack of cigarettes on the counter.

"Hey, Jake." I had a quick look around, "damn, it's dead in here."

"I know," he sighed and stirred the spoon around in his tall cup, "it's been like this all evening."

"Are you alone here?" I quipped and stubbed out my cigarette.

He gave an amused laugh.

"No, Sydney is working also. Ryan too, well, up until about two hours ago, but she didn't see any reason to stay so she called it a day."

Sydney appeared from behind a curtain with a tray of clean drinking glasses.

"Yo, Amy, long time no see!" she said and bent down to put the tray away under the bar, re-arranging the kitchen towel she had flung over her shoulder as she stood up. "You're late, we close in an hour and a half, you know."

"Yeah, I know. I just needed to get out of the apartment for a while."

Sydney smiled as she started pouring me a beer.

"I figured this is alright?" she said as she placed the glass down in front of me. I gave a smile and nodded, she knew that beer was pretty much all I ever ordered.

"Thank you," I said and paid her, then taking a few sips from the brim-full glass not to spill it when I moved it. "You closed the patio for the evening or can I go out there?"

"Nah, it's still open," she said and waved her hand in the air.

"Awesome," I said scooping up my cigarettes and spun around on my barstool and made my way out there.

Sliding the door to the patio open and stepping out to the wooden floor, I heard 'Hard to say I'm sorry' by Chicago playing from the speakers hidden in the roof. It was Tuesday - better knows as "Power Ballad Tuesday" and that meant they played love songs exclusively all evening.   
Not what I needed right now, really, but I needed to be alone and I had a fresh beer I didn't wanna waste, so I plopped down in a wooden chair by the corner and lit a cigarette right away.

I was alone out there and I appreciated not having to make small talk with anyone and that I could be sad by myself. Putting my feet up on the chair in front of me, I slumped down and sipped my beer and smoked slowly, my eyes followed the stream of smoke as it vanished in the night when I exhaled. Looking out into the pitch-black sky, I felt so damn small and lost and I couldn't believe how much I missed Tim. The emptiness grew more and more as the beer disappearing from the glass and I did my best to try and tune out Peter Cetera's voice as he poured his heart out.  
  
I was on my third beer when Sydney popped her head out to tell me they were closing in about 25 minutes, she also told me that she would be playing Bryan Adams solely the rest of the time, just for me. Nodding my head, I gave a courteous smile and stubbed out my cigarette only to light a fresh one right away - my last one, and leaned back in my chair.   
Inhaling on my cigarette deeply I was very much lost in thought and almost done with it when my favourite Bryan Adams song - 'Heaven' started playing and I got an instant knot in my stomach. This was our song - Tim's and my song and the four minutes and five-second long declaration of love encapsulated my infinite feelings towards him so perfectly, _I_ could've been the one writing it. 

The emptiness hit me so hard I had to put my feet down on the wooden floor and hunch over. Trying my hardest not to break apart and push all the madness away, I sensed the impending and familiar feeling of it happening anyway and it slowly took hold of me and made its way up my body and my eyes welled up without me being able to stop it.  
I wasn't even feeling half - you had to be whole at some point to feel half.

 **"And love is all that I need**  
**And I found it there in your heart**  
**It isn't too hard to see**  
**We're in heaven"**

I heard Bryan sing as the sliding doors closed gently behind me and I figured it was Sydney who wanted to tell me to hurry up and I was just about to tell her that I was on my way when a male voice - warm and familiar, as lovely as the feeling of falling asleep next to the love of your life said, 

"Now, isn't this a very soppy song..?"

I turned around and was met by Tim who was standing by the glass doors and smiling at me.

"Hi," he beamed.

He had sweatpants and a hoodie on and a backpack hung from his right shoulder, his left hand holding a black duffle bag.   
A jolt of electricity was released in me and during the millisecond I had to have to realize it was actually _him_ who was standing there, he dropped the bag to the ground and I lunged myself in his arms and clung to him as my life depended on it. Every inch of the mental mayhem I had suffered during these last few weeks evaporated as fast as the snapping of my fingers, and left in my body was the everlasting sense of completion and happiness I craved so much. 

"Tim! Oh my god, Tim! You're home!"

He gave a heartily chuckle into my hair and I had missed that sound so much.

"So this is where you sit and listen to soppy love songs, hm?" he teased and pecked kisses on me. We locked eyes, "But yes, Amy, I'm home now," he said seriously.

We hugged for a long time while he rocked me slowly back and forth, none of us said anything, we were too preoccupied with savouring the situation and trying to understand it.  
The song came to an end and he eased me down on the ground and put both of his hands in my hair and on my cheeks, we couldn't stop smiling and he wiped away my tears as they fell from my eyes. I had never been as in love with him as I was in those seconds.

"What are you doing here, Tim? I thought you were gonna be gone for a few more days."

He dragged a hand through my hair and I reached up to cup it with my own.

"Well, I was supposed to, but we finished earlier, so I took the first flight out of there to come home to you." He pulled me closer and in slow motion dipped his lips to me, "I've missed you very much, Amy." 

My chest fluttered by the way he whispered my name and I had missed hearing him say it face to face instead of through a phone line. Smiling a little to myself, I just knew my name was safe in his mouth.   
He pressed his lips firmly against mine and started to kiss me in the most sensual and serious way. His hands slipped into my hair as he exhaled in a tiny moan and I inhaled his sweet breath while our tongues twisted and wrestled each other. I sensed my knees growing weak so I grabbed his upper arms for support and noticed how I couldn't stop smiling and I practically giggled softly against his lips the entire time. His hands lingered on my cheeks as we eventually broke the kiss. Pulling back slightly, I could see he had a silly grin all over his face - so did I, and we couldn't stop looking at one another.

"How did you know I was here, baby?" I asked, touching his soft curls.

"I stopped by your apartment and Annie told me you were here."

"You came straight to me from the airport?"

"Well, of course."

My hands cupped his face and we stared happily at each other.

"I can't believe you're finally home!" I said before I wrapped my arms around his middle to lean my head against his chest.

He hummed with love and cradled me in his arms before he dragged both his hands through my hair a few times.

"It's been a long time, huh?" 

I nodded firmly and we were left standing on the deck, my hands clasped together around him, his hands cradling my head, and we didn't let go of one another until the music stopped above us and Sydney opened the sliding door.

"I'm sorry, Amy, but I have to lock up now."

My eyes snapped open and it took a few seconds before I reluctantly let go of Tim, who bent down to pick up his bag as I took a step away from him to fetch my empty beer glass.

"Yeah sure, sorry," I excused as I handed her the glass, "we're leaving right away. And thank you for playing such great music for me."

"Anytime," she smiled.

Antsy to get out of there and to start spending time with Tim again, I took hold of his hand and said goodbye to Jake as he let us out and locked the door behind us. Stepping out on the streets we embraced again and he pecked loving kisses on my temple.

"I can't believe I'm actually home again," he murmured on my skin. "I've had a hell of a time without you."

"Maybe you'll have to change your job," I quipped quietly as my fingers toyed with the hem of his hoodie, "and get a position at the local post office or something."

He laughed in my hair and I looked up in his eyes.

"Maybe I will," he teased and started to tug me in the direction of my apartment, "but I want a shower first."

As we walked I took the duffle bag from his hand and flung it over my own shoulder, holding it in place with my right hand, my left hand snaked around his waist and we walked in the quiet, early night - together at last. My soul sidekick and I, my reason for all good things, and just the nearness of him quickened my heartbeats.


End file.
